Irrational Equations

In mathematics rational equations contain at least one fraction whose numerator and denominator are polynomials. Translated into English it means that any definition of a rational equation you look for in a book or online will consist of a great deal of convoluted gibberish. To a layman.

Rational equations make sense to mathematicians. They do not make sense to us mere mortals.

The things we think should make sense in life, do not. Not in the way we believe they ought to make sense. What to us is rational, what fits our lives, often times is not rational to others. Human lives do not fit the limitations of rationality and logic.

For example, a conversation I had the other day. I commented to one of our parish priests how I hadn’t seen him after the early Sunday Mass for a few weeks. He said he’d been sleeping in. What’s that like? I asked. He liked it.

Normally I am awake around four or five o’clock. Sometimes it’s 3AM. Or earlier.

He looked at me with wide eyes. Waking up that early on a regular basis really is irrational to most people. I reminded him of an earlier conversation we’d had. Then I’d told him how it was normal for me to wake up in the middle of the night as a child, speak with angels for an hour or two, then return to sleep.

What I less often discuss is that I have also seen devils all of my life. In the middle of the night as well as daylight. Satan dropped by frequently when I was a child. He tried to convince me to join him and his band of fallen angels.

That mostly ended during my teen and early adult years. Once I became an exorcist he realized his chances were limited. Satan has never really gone away.

To all outward appearances the rational part of my life’s equation was my business life.

The irrational part of my equation is seeing angels and demons. Being an exorcist and healer.

The irrational part of my spiritual life is that people expect me to blow smoke. To pretend as if life is all peaches and cream. That it’s all about lovely chats with God and angels.

It’s never been that way. That has never been my reality.

My reality is God and angels and spirits telling me hard facts. Having what other people call mystical visions is not pretty. I see things I’d rather forget or not know. What I’m shown cannot be unseen.

I see people living and dying with malevolence in their hearts. I look at people and see the evil in their souls. The bunnies and rainbows never existed.

The existence of devils is confirmed. How very busy they are. The extent to which humans are willing to live in evil is corroborated.

It takes a lifetime of hard work to do good. Human fear of doing good, of creating a better world, leaves us with the current very human mess we have in this world.

Long before I worked in defense contracting, I worked in politics. Before working in the darkness that is either politics or defense contracting, I’d had a lifetime of seeing devils in action. Of watching people co-opt themselves because they thought it was easier to get what they wanted than live moral lives. Not knowing that the heroic action it takes to perform even one tiny good deed is worth more than a lifetime of giving in and giving up.

I was exposed to the darkness, to the root of the demonic, long enough to develop my negativity. It is very easy to give in to evil.

It can be very difficult to write something positive at any time. Having seen what I’ve seen, life’s no barrel of monkeys.

It is completely irrational of me to speak about all of the exorcisms I’ve performed over the last fifty years. Of all of the times I’ve seen hell. Yet, it’s very much a part of my life. There have been times when I performed multiple exorcisms in a given day. In many cases it was not only a matter of dealing with demons. It was a matter of dealing with the souls of the dead who had long ago given themselves over to their greed, their desires. To the demonic. When they died, they held on in an attempt to maintain whatever power they’d had.

That isn’t how it works. Their riches became ash heaps.

Our world pretends to be rational. We pretend that we follow the logic of Aristotle and the Greeks. Do we? Really? And how much does it matter?

As much as I once tried to be logical — thank you, Mr. Spock — logic provides only a modicum of answers.

Irrational as I am, I see clearly the spiritual facts of creation.