Safe

Life is a challenge. It’s tough. More than once we’ve heard that it helps to go through life with people around us who understand what we’re going through. We’re not perpetually looking for counsellors or psychiatrists. Now and then all we need is a person with whom we share a close friendship, who knows our personal history in the same way we know their life story. A lot of times we just need somebody who gets us. Who has either been in our shoes or has gone through something similar. The most helpful person isn’t necessarily the one who can tell us what to do, where to go and how to fix a situation that may not need fixing. Very often the best person to have around is someone who is very calmly reassuring.

We have the very deep human need in our lives to be encouraged by the knowledge that others understand our trials. They understand the little things in our daily lives. They get it.

This is a time in mankind’s existence when many humans across the globe are feeling unsafe. Some people have a more obvious reason than others. They live in war zones or places of tremendous civil unrest. Their lives literally are in danger. They have survived what their relatives and neighbors have not. At that, their survival may not be complete. They may not be whole. They may be losing limbs. Their minds and spirits could have been shattered by what they have gone through and continue to experience on a daily basis,

Like us, these horror survivors want to be held. They wonder if their souls will ever be bathed in safety and return to a lighter place of being. What was in their lives is now shattered, left all in tatters and ruins. What good could possibly ever exist again?

In the middle of all the madness and sadness are people with the secret sauce to life. Somehow, no matter what, they maintain a positive attitude. There may be days when life may seem like it is all about the alphabet soup people, the LGBTQIA+. Let’s not forget the H’s (Heterosexuals) who just might also be ABHNAW (Asian, Black, Hispanic, Native American, White). Or any other alphabet soup people.

Life is not solely all about the political party alphabet soup people or the religions alphabet soup people or any other groups or societies within our larger populations.

We all have different expectations. Occasionally it’s our wildly divergent hopes, wishes and dreams that bring us closest together. When we meet we feel unsafe around a person or group of people who we do not immediately perceive to be like us. There is absolutely nothing on God’s green earth that we could possibly have in common.

At all.

Under any circumstances.

No, not ever.

Never.

Except we do.

We discover that there is something we have in common.

Then what?

What if somebody else’s uncomfortability about us and our thoughts, wants and desires makes them every bit as uncomfortable about us as their thoughts, wants and desires make us? Initially, anyway.

How do we respond?

Oh, too bad for them? That’s not a very useful response. It’s not positive. It will not lead to a good end if we decide the best way to go through life with people who disagree with us is to be disagreeable.

Silent scorn is as remarkably unproductive as loud quarrelling.

Also, it’s not necessary for either party to roll over and succumb to what the others consider their brilliance. Nor is it necessary for either group to roll over and accept the conclusions of the other group.

Remember the times when friends, neighbors and relatives could disagree on a topic all the while remaining amicable? Wouldn’t it be stunning if the best way to make ourselves and others feel safe would be to set aside our disagreeable behaviors?

What if — and this is huge — underneath it all we were all mere humans?

We don’t have to agree on everything with everybody. We do not have to live our lives in lock step with all the folks we meet in our lives. Nor do they have to live in lock step with us.

However, the most basic of all manners is civility. It is absolutely essential for everyone to feel safe in a civil society.

How do we do that?

We behave civilly.

We keep a civil tongue in our mouths, no matter how much it hurts. We treat one another with decency and respect, notwithstanding our personal feelings or how we perceive each other’s lives and ideas.

Admittedly, there are times when we may feel unsafe. When that happens, it’s our responsibility to find the people who understand us. The people who help us find the stars in the skies on the darkest nights.