The Spiritual Leader’s Job

For many years I had a Franciscan friar for a spiritual director. In many respects he was a good man, indeed, a very good man, and a good priest. He was very well known nationally for his work. Like us all, he had some flaws. Sadly, those flaws put a barrier between us. I realized this almost immediately while it took him at least a decade to catch on to that reality. I was very aware that he was living in a fantasy world where I told him everything. Especially since he was also my confessor. I was quite willing to let him enjoy himself with his assumptions.

When the time came that he became aware of the facts of the situation, that I was not completely open with him, that there were things I had not and never would tell him, he was terribly upset with me. He was unaware of all the facts of our spiritual experiences together. I made it clear to him that he had foisted himself upon his own broad sword. Not even a petard. Nor a butcher’s knife. Rather, he had made the mistake that too many spiritual directors, advisors and other gurus attempt.

He told me that I was wrong about the basic facts of my spiritual life. He told me that I was unable to see God or angels or saints, much less the souls of the dead that walked the halls of his high rise residence and the church below.

I learned at an early age not to play the Holy Joe role. The goody two shoes. I learned that I was not believed when I told people what I saw and heard. What was happening in the world around them and what is to come. The human mind either cannot or will not accept life as it really is. Instead humans choose to live in a world of illusion.

So I stopped.

I decided, long before I even knew such people existed, that I would behave like the men and women known in Eastern Orthodox Christianity as holy fools. They give up their lives, their families, any possessions they might have, and become coarse wandering beggars. Not that I have ever lived up to the heroism of those marvelous ascetics. Let’s not kid ourselves. I consider myself a fool and anything but holy. I am also no ascetic in the Eastern tradition.

I simply decided while young that if I was not going to be accepted for who I am by the world around me, if people thought I was crazy, well then okay. Let’s go for crazy. It’s easier for me to be unreasonable in the service of God than to behave in a way that society tells itself is normal behavior.

Prophecy is not popular. My spiritual director told me repeatedly that I was not given that or any other special gift. He would especially say it when I would tell him what was about to happen in his life or the lives of people he knew. Sometimes what was about to happen to the world. When things did come to pass, he told me it was a lucky guess.

I was asked repeatedly by friends why I kept anybody so blind to the realities of my spirituality as my director or advisor. That is an easy answer. His stubborn refusal to accept me as I am helped keep me rooted in this world. Not that our world is to be noted for it’s believability or realism. Frankly, there is an incredible amount of silliness attached to the way humans say things are supposed to be.

I find that when I am yet another fool for God that it is then that I am living my life as I ought. As I was taught.

Then a day came when I told the Franciscan friar that I was going to discuss some spiritual matters with someone else. He asked me why I didn’t discuss it with him. I dead eyed him and told him it was because he lacked the spiritual knowledge and maturity. Lacking the experience, he was of no use to me in that matter.

It’s one way to bring silence to a room. It was not the first time I had said that to a spiritual director or anyone else. It was the first time I had told him specifically that he wasn’t up to the job.

He didn’t like my answer, but there was nothing he could say. He had to accept that I knew what I was doing. Even as I had long since taken it upon myself to tell him he was ignorant about vast areas of my spiritual life in response to his negativity about my spiritual experiences.

The job of that man, like the job of any man or woman who would be a spiritual leader, is to put our hands in the hand of God.

To almost all of humanity that is a figure of speech.

To some of us who have that experience, whether we call ourselves fools for God or not, that is precisely what we demand of anyone with the temerity to call themselves spiritual leaders.

A word to the wise.

If ever you do run into someone who seems a bit crazy or foolish, keep your eyes open. Watch. Open your ears. Listen. Open your mind to the off chance that the Spirit of God just might fly in for a visit.