The Third Coming of Christ

While Christians from the average non-Church attenders to evangelicals waving their signs and chanting await the Second Coming of Christ, I’m here to tell you you’re too late. It’s been done. There are no replays, instant or otherwise. This is metaphysics, folks. Not an NFL football game.

Let me clarify a couple things.

The First Coming of Christ was the Nativity.

The Second Coming was the Resurrection. Whether or not a person believes in it, it is not like Punxsutawney Phil seeing his shadow. For the Second Coming we’re sticking with the Book as translated by St. Jerome, the Biblia vulgata. The Bible published twelve centuries before James Stuart put out his badly mangled and broken version of Jerome’s work.

For the Third Coming I am expecting the Messiah to be a black guy named Chen with naturally curly red hair. Either from the Bronx or Buenos Aires.

Why? You got a better plan?

If he’s anything like the last Messiah figure, Chen will be everything from a good guy who would be wonderful dinner guest to a total horror. Jesus, as we remember, was also a scold, cursed up a storm, and was physically violent (what do you call taking a whip to those guys in the temple?). The same as with any prophet before or since, hanging around Jesus could be dicey business.

It’s why I’m imagining Chen as being more of a laidback California surfer type of dude. Even if he is from the Bronx or Buenos Aires. A Third Coming requires…